Alex's POV of the official breackup in Requiem
by luvmusic87
Summary: Alex's point of view in Requiem. Between Lena and Alex. Hope you enjoy. BTW first fan fic.


I couldn't sleep. The same nightmare that has haunted me ever since I've left the Crypt in Portland. These past three days have been the most painful, though, seeing Lena with that kid people call Julian. I get out of the tent. All I need is fresh air and try to forget Lena, even through I don't want to.

As I walk farther away from camp, I spot someone in the distance. The shadow has sort of feminine outline to it. Who is up at this hour, besides me? As I get up closer I see that it is Lena. She looks a little spooked, so I put my neutral face on because I've not talked to her in three days since I saw her kissing Julian.

"Oh" I say. " It's you." The first words I've spoken to her in three days. Wow. Three days seems like a life time. She looks like she has a thousands things she wants to tell me. Probably that she doesn't love me anymore.

But all she says is: " I couldn't sleep." As soon as she finished that three word sentence, I remember her nightmares after thinking that her mother died. I can say it was disturbing when she first told me, but that was ages ago.

" I couldn't sleep either." I said simply

Man I want her in my arms again. I miss her so much.

"I thought you were dead," she said." It almost killed me." Nice to know you care.

" Did it?" My voice was impassive. " You made a pretty fast recovery." It just broke my heart as I said it. She looks like I just crossed the line.

"No. You don't understand." Lena said, her voice is strangled." I couldn't keep hoping, and then waking up every day and finding out it wasn't true, and you were still gone. I-I wasn't strong enough." I was starring at her. She had the same problem that I had in the Crypts, except I had a twinge of hope in our relationship.

I made up my mind to say something, so I did:" When they took me to the Crypts, I thought they were going to kill me. They threw me in a cell and locked the door."

"Alex." My name. Her mouth. How I miss those two combinations. She is crying and walking towards me. I want to comfort her, but how when she doesn't love me anymore and if she did she must have forgotten it, but I've not.

" I didn't die. I don't know how. I should have. I'd lost plenty of blood. They were just as surprised as I was. After that it became a kind of game- to see how much I could stand. To see how much they could do to me before I'd-" I broke off. I don't want to think of the Crypts when the women I love is standing in front of me. She reaches out to me. I guess to try and comfort me, but I remember where I am and I'm not _with_ her. I stand as still as a statue.

"Alex." she says my name again. She is rubbing my chest with her sweet little hands." I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." I jerk away after that and planting her wrist and her side. I'm so close to her, I can smell her sweet breathe.

I said," There were days I would rather they have killed me." I'm so mad that I was thinking and telling this to her. I've still haven't dropped her wrist yet."There were days I asked for it- prayed for it when I went to sleep. The belief that I would see you again, that I could find you- the hope for it- was the only thing that kept me going. So no. I don't understand." I backed away and dropped her hands.

"Alex, _please._" Lena looks broken.

I balled up my fist." Stop saying my name. You don't know me anymore." Half true, half lie.

Lena is still crying and struggling to breathe. " I do know you. It's me, Alex. Lena. Your Lena. Remember? Remember 37 Brooks, and the blanket we used to keep in the backyard-"

" Don't." My voice breaks

" And I always beat you in scrabble because you let me win. And remember how we had a picnic one time, and the only thing we could find from the store was canned spaghetti and some some green beans? And you said to mix them-"

"Don't."

" And we did, and it wasn't bad. We ate the whole stupid can, we were so hungry. And when it started to get dark you pointed to the sky, and told me there was a star for everything you loved about me." She is reaching for me. I remember that day clearly. It was one of our best days together.

"Stop." I grabbed her shoulders so she would look at me as I said these words that would break my heart." No more. It's done, okay? That's all done now."

" Alex, please-"

" Stop!" I'm yelling at her now. She could be so stubborn at times." Alex is dead, do you hear me? All of that- what we felt, what it meant- that's done now, okay? Buried. Blown away."

" Alex!"

I will say the final words that would utterly break my heart: " I don't love you, Lena. Do you hear me? I _never_ loved you."

Everything goes quiet. Lena is brawling. " I don't believe you." And she has every right not to.

I took a step towards her."It was a Lie. Okay? It was all a lie. Craziness, like they always said. Just forget about it. Forget it ever happened." But I can't. Forget, I mean.

" Please. Please don't do this Alex." Lena pleaded like her whole life deepened on it. I wish it did.

"_ Stop saying my name." _I practically yelled, then I hear it. The crack of a branch, rustle of leaves. I look behind Lena's shoulder and see a starving bear.

"Don't move, Lena." I say quietly, but urgently." Alright. Let's take it easy. Real slow. We're going to back away, all right? Nice and slowly." I move back a step and step on a twig. Lena is taking a root in place as the bear is growling and advancing, but hesitating. Then Lena does the strangest thing:

" Hey!" Lena barked out to the bear. She puts her hands over her head to try to make herself bigger. Smart move." Hey! Get out of here! Go on. _Go."_ The bear draws back, obviously confused." I said _go._" Lena strikes out on the nearest tree with her foot. The she ducks down, picked up a rock and chucks it at the bear's shoulder. Man that has got to hurt,. The bear runs off.

" Holy shit." I say. " Holy _shit._" I practically scream and straighten up. " That was crazy. _You're _crazy." I shake my head. " The old Lena would have bolted." She looks like she understands what I was saying earlier. Even through the whole I never loved her part was a lie.

All she said to me was:" The old Lena is dead." and walks away from me.

**A/N: This was my first fan fiction. EVER! hOPED YOU ENJOYED IT. I do not own Requiem or any other books. All rights go to Lauren Oliver.**


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